


Breathing hope

by Anae



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining Shiro (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 06, Season/Series 06, Up to S6 that is, canon compilant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-26 16:30:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15004850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anae/pseuds/Anae
Summary: When Shiro wakes up, Keith's there.“Get back to sleep, you can join us tomorrow.”With that, Keith rose to leave, but Shiro surprised them both by grabbing Keith’s wrist. When the youngster turned back to him, Shiro heard himself asking: “Stay?”





	Breathing hope

**Author's Note:**

> Season 6 killed me.  
> It's been a little over a week, and I'm still dying of the feels. I'm lucky enough to have friends to scream with, but I still can't stop thinking about everything.
> 
> This is me coping, vomiting those feelings onto words. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing!  
> (And let me tell you, it's good to writing again somewhat constantly, after 5 or so years.  
> Also, Shiro, darling, I'm second-hand embarrassed of the fluff and I'm the writer. Geez.)
> 
> Also thank you for Lostdreamz82 for being my beta and Kiipykala for being meta help! Love you both. <3

 

 

_“Strength is not a roar of thunder in the heart._   
_That is passion._   
_Strength is not a process of logic in the mind._   
_That is reason._   
_Strength is a soul-deep voice that whispers:_   
_'keep going' when we feel like giving up.”_

_-L.R. Knost_

 

 

The first time Shiro woke up, the entire team was there. They were all safe.

So when Allura told him to rest, he was content falling asleep in Keith’s arms.

 

The second time Shiro woke up, he was in a pod. It hissed and opened as he tried to get up, only to have an opened water bottle shoved into his hand.

“Drink it and get back to sleep.”

Shiro’s eyes flickered to the speaker. Krolia. Keith’s mom. They hadn’t officially met before but she’d been aboard on Black so he knew her. Kind of. Shiro’s mind was still foggy with sleep, space sheep demanding to be counted – but before that, he should at least greet Keith’s mother properly.

“Hi.”

Krolia simply stared at him for a moment and then pointed at the bottle. “Drink. Then sleep.”

Rude.

She chuckled, crossing her arms across her chest. Shiro wondered if he’d said that out loud. “We’ll talk later.”

Maybe that was for the best. Black was purring on the back of his head and the familiar hum of the lion was pulling him back to the quiet dream land. So he drank and as soon as Krolia took the bottle, his eyes slipped closed. Black purred, curling protectively around his consciousness. Once again, the realm of dreams welcomed him with open arms, allowing him to fall into deep sleep and dream of nothing.

 

The third time Shiro woke up, it was on a under soft, warm covers. He blinked at the white ceiling before turning his head to look around.

Keith was sitting on the bed next to him, eyes gazing outside of the window across the room. Shiro’s eyes followed, and he could see blue sky being slowly painted in dark gold, a few treetops and roofs being licked by the auric rays.

Shiro had traveled across the universe and none of the places had looked or felt like this. Like home. Like Earth.

The small room itself was quickly examined – a wooden table, a wardrobe, line of bookshelves, a few paintings on the wall, a green house plant in the corner.

Shiro turned his eyes back the man next to him, giving himself a few moments to look at Keith before speaking. He was dressed in black T-shirt and trousers, shoes long discarded. It brought Shiro back to Garrison, back to their early days – times when he was only starting to decipher Keith. On peaceful moments like this, it was hard to believe the long, hard path they’d walked together.

“Hi”, Shiro croaked out, fingers gently ghosting over Keith’s, interrupting younger man’s thoughts. Shiro barely recognized his own voice – hoarse and much more silent than he intended.

It was enough to catch Keith’s attention, his head and gaze whipping to the older man. A small smile rose to his lips, mirroring Shiro’s own. “Hi”, he answered, just silently as Shiro had spoken. Keith looked so tired, drained – and much, much older. His eyes flickered from Shiro’s face to his non-existing right arm and back. “How are you feeling?” he asked, concern evident in his voice.

Shiro eyed the stump that was his arm. It was then when it occurred to Shiro that right, he no longer had an arm. The metallic creation was long gone, destroyed along with the planet galaxies away. It was funny how his brain still thought he had it, imagined the hand to be there even if there were no nerves, no pain, no real feeling attached to it. It might’ve been better this way – at least he no longer carried a constant reminder of the Champion around. At least he wasn’t a weapon in the truest sense of the word.

He turned his attention back to Keith. “Like death”, he dead-panned.

The open worry on Keith’s face – before it got gushed beneath his glare – told Shiro his joke was not appreciated. “Too soon?” he asked, ghost of a smile never leaving his lips.

At least he got a snort out of Keith for his efforts. “Far too soon.”

A moment of silence passed between them. It didn’t carry the same comfort it used to, and Shiro was sure Keith felt it too. So many questions and emotions lay between them, many of which they both feared to touch. Some of them they should’ve been ready to face here and now, some which could be left for another day. Keith’s decisions over the team and the Blades, his mother, Lotor, Shiro’s clone, his death, the fight…

Shiro had never been as brave as others believed him to be, so he chose the easy way out. “We’re on Earth?”

Keith’s eyes widened in surprise. “Yeah. At Pidge’s parents’. The lions are safe, cloaked. How…”

This time, Shiro’s smile was real and wide as pushed himself up to a sitting position, ignoring the fuzziness that came along. He ignored the way Keith’s hand touched his right shoulder in reflex to make sure he was alright, ignored the way Keith pulled his hand back like his stump had burned. Instead, Shiro nodded towards the window, eyes focusing on the golden sunset. He should’ve guessed. This wasn’t Keith’s shack, and there weren’t many places on Earth where their group could go to, especially not with the aliens with them. “Not many planets have a view like that.”

Keith followed Shiro’s gaze and an actual smile spread across his face as he took in the view of sky, trees and buildings, of the city. “True.” Seeing Keith like this made Shiro’s heart clench. Keith was beautiful when he smiled, always had been – he didn’t deserve the all he’d been through, didn’t deserve Shiro disappearing time and time again, leaving him behind despite the promise made.

Instead of letting silence grow and test whether it’d be better or worse than a moment ago, Shiro decided to end it before it began. “How’s everyone?”

“They’re fine.”

Keith was still looking outside, clearly not wanting to touch the subject. “Keith.”

Keith turned to face his friend, clearly contemplating whether he’d be willing to drop the issue if met with more resistance. When Keith sighed, Shiro knew he had won. “Pidge, Hunk and Lance are thrilled to see their families.” He paused. “Lance feels guilty for not noticing. We told him it’s not his fault and I tried to convince him but… I think you should talk to him.”

Shiro forced down a lump on his throat. He had reached out to Lance to tell him, to warn him, but their bond hadn’t been strong enough. It wasn’t Lance’s fault, not by far. He wasn’t the one to blame.

 “Coran, Allura and Romelle are excited about Earth”, Keith continued, pulling Shiro out of his thoughts. “Krolia…” Keith paused and turned his gaze back to the sky, rather looking at anything but his best friend. “Krolia and I have a grave to visit.”

The words, how easily and nonchalantly they fell from Keith’s lips made Shiro’s heart ache. Keith had never spoken a lot about his father or the foster homes – he’d rather showed it behind the locks of his heart, shutting it there. Shiro had been privileged to see glimpses, but that’s all they had been – mere flashes. What rang the biggest alarm bell was that during the time they’d known each other, Keith hadn’t visited his father’s grave even once. Too many ghosts lay there. “Keith –“

Before Shiro could finish his thought, Keith interrupted him. “It’s fine.” The youngster’s gaze left the outside view to meet Shiro’s eyes. “She wants to visit and… I guess it’s time for me go, too.” The monsters were still there, hiding behind his pain and grief, but Shiro wanted to believe spending time with Krolia had dulled some of that torment. Shiro had to trust Keith to know himself well enough, to believe him when he said he was ready.

“You should get some sleep.”

The change of the topic wasn’t unexpected, and Shiro knew better than to push. It was a subject they might need to touch before the visit, but not now. Speaking of which… “How long have I been out of it?”

“Two days.”

Shiro blinked. That was a lot. More than he expected.

The surprise must’ve been visible on his face since Keith chuckled. “You deserve a lifetime of sleep, Shiro”, Keith said, sad smile tugging his lips. “Get back to sleep, you can join us tomorrow.”

With that, Keith rose to leave, but Shiro surprised them both by grabbing Keith’s wrist. When the youngster turned back to him, Shiro heard himself asking: “Stay?”

As soon as the words fell, Shiro wanted to kick himself. He didn’t want to be alone, not right now, but he wasn’t a child nor had he any right to ask this from Keith, especially after what he’d been through. They may have shared a bed before, both as friends and as lovers, but so much had happened since then. Neither of them knew where they stood in this complicated mess of a relationship.

“I…”

Confusion was evident in Keith’s voice and features, tension building itself onto his grown frame. This was Keith not knowing what to do, not understanding why, but unable and unwilling to leave. Shiro needed to explain himself.

“I just don’t want to be alone.”

Not like that.

Still, it was more than enough for Keith. Always had been. “Sure”, he agreed, voice still unsure. “I’ll watch over you.”

Shiro wanted to groan, wanted to bury face into his hands. Hand. Single. Not plural. He might’ve fucked up, might’ve been craving for human interaction after being alone for so long, but there was no way he was letting Keith stay awake through the night. Not for him. “Keith, you need sleep as well.”

Keith’s glare told Shiro all he needed to know, and this time, he did groan out loud. “You look dead on your feet.” Shiro might’ve slept for two days, but it was obvious Keith hadn’t. There were bags under his eyes, his hair was a bigger mess than usual – he was drained. The last days had to have been rough, trying to figure out how to fix the lions, deal with the destruction of the castle, to figure out what to do with Garrison and Earth in general, not to mention the fact that the Galra were devoid of leader once again and Haggar still stood strong… Add the beatings with and without Black to that, both physical and mental – it was a wonder Keith was still standing. “The bed’s big enough for both of us.”

Yet his answer was a pinning glare, a youngster unwilling to budge – something Shiro had seen so many times before.

“Please.”

Keith’s eyes widened, and even before he opened his mouth, Shiro knew he was going to agree. It wasn’t his proudest moment to coax Keith like this, but this was the best his sleep-muffled brain, filled traitorous whispers of _“I don’t want to be alone”_ could manage.

“I… Okay.” A pause. “Just let me…” Their gazes fell onto Shiro’s hand, still holding Keith’s wrist. Shiro hadn’t let go and Keith hadn’t pulled away – the touch had lingered, remained.  As the realization hit, both hands were quickly pulled away, embarrassed chorus of _sorry_ and _it’s okay_ mumbled to the darkening room.

Shiro watched as Keith moved a few steps away, hesitating for a moment before taking his shirt off. Keith had never been shy around him, and the momentary uncertainty hurt more than he had expected. Their relationship post-Kerberos had been tentative at best – they’d both been worried about Shiro for different reasons and while they cared for each other, it wasn’t easy to reach out and step over that line again. Not when the others didn’t know, not when the fate of the entire universe rested on their hands, not when Shiro still didn’t trust himself at night, not when Keith worried over his heritage.

There had been times it didn’t stop them, times when fear and love mixed and became too much to bear – times when they’d found solace on each other’s arms. But those times had been few and far in between, and never discussed afterwards. Whether it had been the same with Keith and his clone, Shiro didn’t know, didn’t remember. He had memories from his clone, but they were still scattered, collection of moments rather than a whole timeline.

Shiro regretted the distance between them.

When Keith took his shirt off, Shiro had to bite his lip to stop sounds or words escaping. Battered and bruised Keith was nothing new, but this was almost as bad as trial of Marmora had been. His clone and Lotor hadn’t played lightly – Keith’s body, mainly his back, was littered with yellow and purple bruises, angry and still forming. The armor might’ve protected him from the worst of it, but not enough. Not by far.

Shiro tried to fix the look on his face before Keith turned to face him but failed miserably.

“Shiro, I’m fine.” He didn’t answer, just stared. Back in the day, Keith getting into fights was a rule more than exception. This wasn’t new, and Keith had had worse. Shiro knew this, but it still stung – no one enjoyed seeing their loved ones hurt.

Keith’s sigh told him he must’ve not looked too convinced. “They’re just bruises. They’ll heal.”

Instead of protesting or asking if he’d gotten them checked, Shiro shuffled back on the bed, leaving space for Keith to climb in. He laid down, waiting for Keith to follow. The younger man did, placing himself on the side of the bed, as far as he comfortably could, back presented to Shiro. Whether it was out of compassion or aversion, Shiro couldn’t tell. Nevertheless, it stung a lot more than he cared to admit.

With silent sigh, Shiro pulled the covers over them.

The silence that followed weaved gleaming, murky grey threads in the darkening evening. The last golden rays were hitting the window, silent promise of the last moments of the sun before the starlight night. The threads weren’t pulled too tight – a smart man would’ve left them be, would’ve left the emotional rollercoaster at that, but Shiro knew he wasn’t one. He was smart enough to quench the desire to run his fingers across Keith’s bruised back, to touch the mop of black hair, but he couldn’t let go of the flashes from his clone’s memory. “My clone… What did he say to you?”

The tension Keith had been holding since Shiro asked him to stay hadn’t ebbed away yet, but now he was a cord pulled tight, ready to spring and flee. It clenched Shiro’s heart to see him this way. Part of him wanted to take those words back, to tell Keith to never mind, but another part, stronger part, whispered to go on. Like it was something he needed to know. When Keith fought his clone, Shiro had been with Black, half-way across the planet. The clone’s memories were resided within him, but he couldn’t recall the words. He didn’t know if the clone could have, either – but he could recall seconds, small flashes of what the clone had seen.

“Nothing.”

A lie.

“Keith.”

A request.

“Nothing that mattered.”

Another lie, another request. _Please don’t._

“Keith.”

A whisper. A plea.

“He wasn’t you!” The bed let out a protesting creak as Keith rolled around to face Shiro. In the dim light, Shiro could see Keith resting his weight on his elbows, partially up, ready for fight or flight. He could see the surface of feelings Keith was still fighting – feelings the youngster squashed down as he lowered his head and swallowed. Shiro let Keith breath in and out, in and out, calm himself. He let Keith pull himself up to a sitting position before following himself and placing a hand over the younger paladin’s knee.

When Keith spoke, Shiro could see the storm raging inside him, reflected in his eyes, in the way his voice threatened to crack when he spoke. “He wasn’t you.”

Except he had been, before. The clone had been there with the team, lived and cared for them like Shiro had. The clone had been him, only later reformed by the control of Haggar who had no qualms of exploiting the bonds that mattered the most. Which meant the clone had known how to hurt and squash a heart that had been broken one too many times already. Shiro’s eyes were soft as he pushed himself up, voice and hand never wavering.  “No, he wasn’t. Not anymore.”

There was no turning back. Deep inside, Keith must’ve known, but it was the confirmation that mattered. Shiro knew Keith had saved the clone, cared for him, been close to him. And the clone had felt the same. “But before Haggar took control, he was me. He didn’t know a thing, Keith.”

Shiro could hear the gears turning inside Keith’s head, see moment realization hit in. Saw the undeserved wave of guilt and rising panic swallowing him. “So I killed-“

“No.” Shiro interrupted him, his grip tightening without realizing. He felt for the clone, manipulated and robbed of life, but it wasn’t Keith’s fault. The clone’s memories were far from a perfect timeline, at least for now, but they were complete moments. Phrases, words, feelings – but there was barely any recollection of the fight. It didn’t feel like a memory, not like Keith saving him did, not like seeing Matt alive did, not like when playing the paladin in the game did. “What you killed wasn’t me. It was something controlled by Haggar, something without its own will. It was no longer a living being.”

“How can you be sure?” Keith’s voice didn’t break, but it was a near thing. “How can you know he wasn’t there, somewhere deep inside?”

Truth was, Shiro didn’t. The bits and pieces weren’t clear enough for him to say for sure, but… “I have his memories, some at least”, he admitted. “But there’s barely anything after Haggar took control. But… I don’t know.” He paused, wanting so badly to be sure, to reassure Keith. But lies didn’t pave the road he wanted to walk, nor did they pave the road Keith deserved. “It’s what I believe.”

Shiro watched Keith squeeze his eyes closed, bite his lip. Watched the way his fingers clenched the white sheets, the way he breathed in, breathed out. Fought the desire to push Shiro away, to run away. Before Shiro could decide what to do, Keith opened his eyes and spoke. “You remember the promise you made for me?” Shiro nodded – there had been many promises, but only one that mattered – but Keith wasn’t looking at him, wasn’t expecting an answer. “He told me I was broken. Worthless. That he should’ve abandoned me like my parents did.”

It was like a punch in the gut. Shiro had expected to hear their bond being exploited but he hadn’t expected cruelty like this, even if he should’ve. That promise had meant the world to Keith, to them both. It had been the beginning of their bond, had devolved into something defining in their relationship. It had given Keith hope that maybe, maybe he could trust in others, trust in not being left alone again.

Looking at Keith, Shiro wanted to reach out and touch. He wanted to pull Keith near and close the distance – merely and arm’s length – between them. But Keith looked like he would bolt at any moment, at any wrong move. It had happened a lot back in their early days, back when a touch hadn’t been welcome and sent Keith reeling, pushing Shiro away. Those incidents had become non-existent over the years when they had learned to know other better, understood when to push and pull. Right now, though… Shiro wasn’t sure anymore, and he didn’t want to screw this up more than he already had.

“I told him he was like a brother to me.” Keith lifted his gaze, eyes meeting Shiro’s. Looking into the pained depths, Shiro was no longer sure if he wanted to know. He knew the amount of harm he could bring if he ever wished to – and it looked like the clone had delivered it all. “I told him I loved him.” Shiro didn’t have time to think about the implications buried beneath the words before Keith continued. “And he told me to let go. To give up.”

Screw discretion.

Shiro reached out, hand touching Keith’s face, the burn scar his clone had inflicted. The brush of his fingers was feather-light, but it didn’t keep Keith from flinching at the contact. Biting back a wince, Shiro didn’t let go. He brushed his thumb over Keith’s cheek, touch barely ghosting over the mark. He gave Keith a chance to pull away, should he need more space but instead he leaned into the touch. “I’m so happy you didn’t.”

If Keith had given up, there’d be no Shiro, there’d be no Voltron, there’d be no universe left the way they knew it.

“I’m sorry, Keith”, he breathed to the space between them.

Keith’s eyes widened in surprise, some of the old fire flaring back to life as he opened his mouth to protest. But Shiro beat him to it, shaking his head. “No, let me finish.”

Keith snapped his mouth shut, but diluted flame remained. Good.

“I’m sorry I left you.” Shiro’s own voice was thick with emotion. These were the words he should’ve said a long time ago. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me the most.”

He had disappeared and left Keith behind to pick up the pieces, to fix his broken heart, to play part of a leader with fragmented soul. He had left twice. Disappeared once, died once – Shiro wasn’t sure which was greater sin of the two.

“But you didn’t give up. You found me. Saved me. More than once.”

After Kerberos. After they were thrown into the wormholes. After Shiro died, Keith had saved his clone. And now him, again.

“And I’m so, so proud of you.”

There were no words to describe it. Keith had grown from a lonely, untrusting orphan boy, willing and waiting to bite everyone who tried to get close, into this. Into determined leader with heart of gold, to someone who looked after others. To the man Shiro always believed him capable to be.

“But you were.” This time, it was Shiro who stared at Keith, surprised. Before he could protest, Keith shook his head and smiled wistfully. “You were there when I need you the most.” Keith’s fingers touched Shiro’s arm, forging electric warmth in their wake. “You were with Black. Without you, I wouldn’t have made it back in time.”

Shiro swallowed. He couldn’t deny Keith’s words – it was the truth, but as if one time could make up for all the rest.

“I love you.”

His hand stilled, eyes widening as he stared at Keith. For a moment, that was all he could do. Through their relationship, through their tentative friendship and more, it had always been Keith who struggled. With his emotions, with admitting and expressing them. But here he was, body and mind battered and bruised, giving his heart to Shiro do to as he pleased.

If it wasn’t courage, Shiro didn’t know what was.

So Shiro did the only thing left to do; his hand slipped from Keith’s cheek to his jaw and neck. He guided them closer and Keith followed without ounce of hesitation. Without a word, he pressed his lips to Keith’s. The response was instantaneous; Keith opened up, tension leaving his body as pushed himself closer to Shiro. When Shiro licked his tongue, Keith melted against him, fingers wrapping onto Shiro’s shirt as he answered the kiss.

When they pulled apart, Keith chased for another kiss and Shiro was all too eager to comply. It was a chaste kiss, more of an afterthought, but Keith made sure to bite his lip before letting go.

They both were breathing hard, and Shiro couldn’t help but marvel the blush that had crept its way onto Keith’s pale skin, painting it a shade darker in the dim light. For the first time tonight, Shiro saw hope in those violet eyes.

“I love you too”, he answered, quiet and truthful. They were words he had whispered to the empty rooms and to the lonely nights before, pondering whether he’d ever have courage say them to anyone but the stars. Once again, Keith had been the brave one and beat him to it.

The surprise and uncontained joy in Keith’s eyes, mixed mix with darkening blush coloring his cheeks were a sight to see. Before Shiro got himself too lost in them, he continued: “And I’m not leaving you again.”

The smile spreading to Keith’s face reached his eyes. Seeing Keith like this, wrapped in unconfined happiness was nothing but a miracle to see. Shiro swore he could see galaxies in his eyes, behind the layers of bliss and mischief. “Good”, Keith grinned. “Because I’m not going to give up on you.”

Keith’s hand came to Shiro’s neck, and the next thing he knew, Keith was kissing him again. There was no biting, no fight for control, but two pairs of lips touching, tongues languidly moving against each other. It wasn’t the roaring flame Shiro had come to expect from the younger man, but more of a slowly burning ember. It was just as good, if not better.

When they parted, Shiro flopped them back to bed. The movement lacked grace, but Keith didn’t seem to mind. He was far too content nesting himself against Shiro’s broad chest, wrapping an arm around Shiro. In turn, Shiro pulled the covers over them, resting his remaining arm over Keith.

It felt a bit different than before. “You really got bigger”, Shiro noted off-handedly, feeling the call of the dreamland again.

He didn’t expect Keith to start laughing. “Well yeah, two years does wonders, doesn’t it?”

Wait what.

“What?”

Another laugh. He glanced Keith, whose grin was wide and full of adoration. It was a good look on him – a look Shiro wanted to treasure and keep. “Tomorrow.”

While Shiro wanted to push the matter more, the bed was soft and the pillows comfortable. What’s more, he had a safe, warm, solid, living and breathing ball of mass cradled against his chest. As he gave in to the dreamland’s call, he heard a quiet ‘thank you’ mumbled against the pillows.

He heard himself echoing the words. “Thank you.” He owed so, so much to this person.

“Goodnight, Keith.”

As dream sand was sprinkled across the bed, Shiro found himself happy and content for the first time since he had learned about what lay across the universe. Life was good, and once again, it was worth living.

 


End file.
